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Oh god, it's back. Ignore it, maybe it'll go away. [06 Sep 2010|03:24am] What? You didn't hear? Yeah, I'm all the way over there now. Check it out, buds. It's based off my column, so expect some heavy branding. Sassyassnaz will still be updated, albeit very infrequently, and I'll be keeping it so I can read all your secrets and then spread them to complete strangers over at Blogger. Oh snaps, bitches, unfriend me before it's too late. NazriNoor.com. Bookmark it! <3 6 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

Pretty guys and shounen ai [16 Sep 2007|12:25am] I know you miss my face. Well, some of you do. I think. Took some photos of potential outfits for some trip because a) I was bored and b) I don't want to rush packing and realise that I forgot all of my underwear. Again. Couple more pics over there. Also, I am obsessed with Ouran High School Host Club. It is so, so good. It's not your typical bishi love-love garbage, more about poking fun at the genre, but there are still quite a few squeal-worthy moments. Even you yaoi-hating brutes might like it. Check it out, srsly, it's hilarious. A couple of episodes are available on Youtube. 17 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

Twenty-Six Thursday [06 Sep 2007|08:55am] Because I'm bored and because it's my birthday and I'm (sorta) allowed to be more obnoxious than usual: Name: N Age according to your birth certificate: 26 Age you really think you are: 25. I'm not quite used to it yet. • What are 5 things you really like about yourself? Just five? Man, let's see. My eyes, my hands, my hair, my bodacious new body, and my ability to gather people to myself, command their undying affection, and then ruthlessly dump them for a better deal. I'm talking about Blogger and bad exes, guys, I'd never do that to you. Snicker. • What is one accomplishment you are really proud of that you can't ever write down in your resume? Hmmm. Growing more confrontational, and not just considering but actually becoming a total bitch in the face of stupidity and inefficiency... work wise, at least. • If you could live a secret life, what kind of secret life would you live? I would write, direct and produce porn. Period. • What is the loveliest thing someone's told you lately? "I want to be just like you when I grow up." Kid, you have no idea. • What is the most supreme act of kindness ever shown to you? What? • What is your inner child wearing right now? panties and a tire iron • Describe the very moment you first fell in love. Fuck this shit HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! ETC, ETC, SEND ME MONEY, BYE 27 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

Gwen Stefani is My Homegirl [30 Aug 2007|04:25am] Apparently, some of you guys wanted to see my actual articles. Here we go, a massive wall of text, as taken from my column in the New Sabah Times, August 29, 2007. Photos care of Hotlink, copyright 2007 Malaysian Mobile Services Sdn. Bhd. Gwen Stefani is my homegirl. Technically, she's yours too. You might have read this on the Malaysian blogs, but at the concert held at Bukit Jalil's Stadium Putra, Gwen had this to say: "I have relatives here. My father-in-law's wife is Malaysian, so I'm practically Malaysian too!" Needless to say, the audience could not stop screaming. Gwen told us these stories and more as she went through the 16 songs on her setlist at The Sweet Escape concert, making sure to insert fun little anecdotes as she entertained 9,000 fans, including five lucky Hotlink MMS contest winners from East Malaysia, their friends, and one ridiculously giddy Trender Bender. Hotlink was nice enough to invite media from both Sabah and Sarawak to cover the event. I almost wet myself when I got the call from the lovely ladies in our marketing department. "Hey Naz, are you free on the 21st? We need you to cover a concert. Does the name Gwen Stefani ring a bell?" I won't get into the details, but in the next five minutes after that call, I lost both my bearings and my voice from jumping around and screaming. Fortunately, I did not lose my job. Continue reading... 6 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

Two things [21 Aug 2007|06:07am] Teensy update. I'm busy packing and finishing last-minute articles because Maxis called today with a ticket and a treat: I'm covering the Gwen Stefani concert at Stadium Bukit Jalil. YES, bitches, I'm loving it. Sad that there's so much controversy over it though. There'll probably be some 10,000 student protest outside, and a tonne of (uninvited) media screaming bloody murder over Gwen's tatas, but come on! Female performers not being allowed to wear skanky clothing is acceptable (there was a Pussycat Dolls "wardrobe malfunction" last year), but to stop them from yelling or even jumping on stage is ridiculous, especially someone who started in rock. See you in a few, mein Harajuku lovers, and a massive apology to the European readers who came expecting detailed accommodation info. My hotel links are mostly broken at the moment, since they were initially put up as placeholders. I swear, I'll fix them. Ummm, pardonnez moi, mes amigos, donde estas el baño. Salamat! Ps. I really, really hope that Gavin tags along. Rawr. Cross-posted at Blogspot and Multiply. 1 loyal subject ♥ worship.

Meteorologica [12 Jun 2006|05:54pm] “Somewhere over the rainbow, there’s another rainbow.” --Tobias Funke, Arrested Development So this just sounds funny, but in some cases, it’s true, because it is entirely possible for a second, less-visible rainbow (usually inverted) to appear just above the first one. And for the benefit of the unfortunate few who haven’t actually seen a double rainbow: I know it’s not like the prettiest photo in the world, but whatevs, you can see it if you kind of squint extra hard. We get one of these like every week. The moon was visible too, but I didn’t get a shot of that. What I really want to see before I croak are vertical rainbows and at least one of those monochromatic ones, like the ones that come in orange, purple or white only. I'm like a big rainbow fan. But, you know, not that way. And about the moon... you know that Japanese myth where there's a bunny making rice cakes on the moon? I buy this more than the one with the man smiling at you from it or whatever, because if you look closely, you can see a bunny pounding something in a mortar with a longish pestle. Anyway, this really creeps me the fuck out: Ewan ko lang. 24 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

meme na [18 Mar 2006|03:50am] I'm so boredom, so wala lang. Four Jobs I've Had In My Life ♥ Editorial Assistant ♥ Copywriter ♥ Contributor-at-Large (hahaha, what the fuck does that even mean) ♥ Special Writer (at the Sabah Times; an even bigger wtf) Four Films I Can Watch Over And Over ♥ Mean Girls ♥ Zoolander ♥ Superstar ♥ Go! Four Places I Have Lived ♥ Manila ♥ Penampang, Kota Kinabalu ♥ Subang Jaya, Kuala Lumpur ♥ somewhere in London Four TV Programs I Love To Watch ♥ Arrested Development! ♥ Drawn Together ♥ American Idol ♥ Thunder Cops Four places I have been on vacation: ♥ Hong Kong ♥ Japan ♥ Los Angeles ♥ London Four Places I Would Have Visited, Had I Had The Money ♥ Japan ♥ Milan ♥ Brazil ♥ Seriously, Brazil Four Websites I Visit Daily ♥ Livejournal.com ♥ Yahoo! Mail ♥ Diabloii.net ♥ Homestarrunner.com Four Of My Favorite Foods ♥ cheese ♥ potatoes ♥ chocolate ♥ steak Four Places I Would Rather Be ♥ I'm perfectly happy where I am. 2 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

[16 Mar 2006|05:06am] I can't believe so many of you were affected by my last post! You should know better. I would not keep you on my friends list if I hated you. Unless, of course, your journal gave me some perverse amusement of the swallowing ground glass and drain cleaner variety. Anyway. I have such a huge crush on Jake Hoffman, who I recently discovered in S2E07 of Arrested Development. What the fuck, who knew Dustin Hoffman had a hot son, like, just lying around. Shit, why does he have no movies and like three pictures on the internet? He's so cute! SO CUTE! While searching for pictures of him, I found something creepy. It's this model resource site, and as is the way with these things, the available models are listed catalog format (although there aren't any click-through/individual pages per model, which is really kind of dumb). So my image googling for beautiful Jake took me to the little boys' section, where there happens to be a kid named Jake Hoffman. Whatever, anyway, just look at the page. It's so fucked up because all the models look like they were shot in the '80s and a lot, I mean a lot of the kids are working the sex face. It's so creepy. I'm gonna go check out the girls next. JAKE HOFFMAN I WANT YOUR MANLY SEXING! 14 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

[13 Mar 2006|03:20am] Oh god, I'm on Yahoo Messenger with Pat right now and making fun of journals, like passing comments back and forth about really dumbass posts. Hahahahahaha, I haven't had this much fun in ages. It could be yours, you know. ... Actually, no. None of you are that pathetic. This is comedy gold. I love the world! 21 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

[11 Mar 2006|09:08pm] 3 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

Feedme.com [06 Mar 2006|03:13am] Yeah so I'm taking a bunch of you shits off my friends list because frankly you annoy me and I don't want my page cluttered with pointless blathering every time I feel like poking my nose into someone else's business. No hard feelings. I have a new small business going. The guy who's supposed to do my final interview at the paper has some heart problem, so I decided to do this in the meantime. I offer services for food. Yes, will work for food. Screw the cash. My cousin, for example, needed an embroidery design for some wedding, so she approached me to make something up with vines and flowers and shit. And I got paid in burgers. For seriously. Three burgers, in fact: a fish burger, a chicken burger, and a beef burger. There are no hamburgers in Malaysia because it's misleading and could lower sales because the Muslims will assume the burgers are made of pork and will instead turn to spring water, pomegranates and dates. What the fuck, people. I specifically asked for burgers because my dad funds my other needs anyway (shampoo, soap, cigarettes, cocaine) and because most of the food in this house seems to be served for decorative purposes, i.e., tastes like shit. So, if you need anything written or designed, or if like you need a personal shopper or a prostitute or something, get in touch, we can work something out, meaning I'll give you quality output and you'll send me a basket of delicious edibles to fight my starvation. Or, you could just mail me food anyway. Send all donations to Nazri Noor, No. 388 Noor Villa, Taman Petagas, Penampang, 88200, Sabah, Malaysia. Video links, yay! This is one of the most depressing feel-good videos ever. It's also a great song. Zero Seven's Days Go By. And this is just fucking priceless. It's a bunch of Mexican drag queens doing Madonna's Hung Up. I ♥ 'Madonna' because she stops dancing every few scenes to scarf a bag of chips. I love it I love it! So yeah, send me care packages, okay? Okay. Also if you want to send money, that's cool too. Or clothes. Whatever, send me stuff. YAY worship.

One is glad to be of service. [02 Mar 2006|07:16pm] Okay. Typical Japanese woman, right? Almond eyes, smooth fair skin, interesting dye job. Check, check, and check, Japanese girl it is. Well. Download this clip and watch it. No, it's not porn, it's fine. Watch it. Notice something? Jerky movements, stiffness, very passive expression? Isn't there something incredibly creepy about her? That's because she's a robot. An ohmyfuckinggod robot. How fucking amazing is that? Her name's Repliee Q1, and she's a Japanese scientist's experiment in android technology. Her skin's silicone and her insides are urethrane and other icky stuff only smart people would understand. She blinks, she talks, her chest rises and falls to simulate breathing, and, according to some sources, she will soon have fully-developed sensors to let her experience physical sensation. So I know that this is totally far from my regular thread of posts as of late, but I've always been into the whole robot/android thing, and this really caught my eye. Very interesting shit. There's a short National Geographic article about her here, and some more information and other links here. More videos of Q1 in action here (super creepout warning). Though it's not mentioned on the sites, Repliee Q1 has two "sisters", Repliee R1, modeled after a 6-year-old girl, and Repliee Q2, who is an upgraded version of Q1. This is so awesome. According to Repliee Q1's creator Hiroshi Ishiguro, "I will not need to come here (some science conference) again... I will send my android instead." Can you imagine how great that would be? It's like sending a surrogate, except the surrogate is you, but not you. I know this opens up a ginormous can of worms about ethics and whatev, but ohmygod, the possibilities! That's it. After the white room, my next dream is to have an android version of myself that I can send to all the awesome parties and events that I can't attend due to the fact that I'm in an entirely different country. I'd have to be something of a multi-billionaire to be able to afford such a high-maintenance toy, but whatever, you wants your Mercedes, I wants my Nazdroid. 12 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

Is butter a carb? [27 Feb 2006|08:37pm] Guys! Guys! Today my daddy bought me two Big Macs. I guess he realized that my not eating dinner for the past three days meant that I thought our house food was crap. Now I've gained back all the 5 pounds I lost. As a bonus, I don't think I'll be able to walk for the next two hours. Man, Arrested Development is so awesome. So, so awesome. You have to watch it. Buy the DVDs, download it, I don't care, basta, it's so good! Mister F! For British eyes only! Nothing beats Mean Girls as my favorite viewing material of all time, however. I looove that movie. It's like, my life. I like to think that my friends in college and I were like the Plastics, minus the thinness, makeup, and sex, plus a few hundred pounds and some cigarettes. I've seen this movie so many times, I bet I could beat any of you at on-call recitations of the dialogue. Except, maybe, Patricia. Speaking of which, you didn't call me back, you bitch. Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and sit around just soaking up each other's awesomeness?! If you've ever seen gay porn, like, at all, you will have come to the same conclusion that I have: many of the most violently ugly men on the planet get paid to suck cock and pack fudge. It's so disgusting how hideously ugly these people can get. They all look like they have like 50 diseases all at once. You can catch something from wanking to it. This is why I prefer straight porn. At least the producers make an effort to find good-looking men. (Okay, disclaimer. There's tons of sites out there with god-awesome beautiful men. I guess I was just on an unlucky streak. See Sean Cody, Amazona Boys, Falcon Studios, and the Ever-Bilena beautiful Miami Boyz. Obviously not work-safe, duh.) I have a new layout, by the way. It took like ten minutes to do because nothing much changed, but I'm pretty happy with it. Check it out. The background is available for download as a wallpaper because duh, obviously everyone wants my face on their desktop. Comment on it, but don't be mean. I don't think my father, the inventor of toaster strudel, would be too happy about that. 14 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

Brokeback Mountain [03 Feb 2006|03:03am] Fucking movie. So my tita here lends me a copy, and I eagerly snap it up, because hey, it's Malaysia, anything involving homos is automatically shot full of holes and strung up in the town square for the buzzards to eat. Might as well watch it because I sure as hell am not getting a copy of this any time soon. Plus, I think Jake Gyllenhaal is the hottest shit in the world, and I still believe that he will automatically fall in love with me and propose the first time he lays eyes on me. So here I am, excited about watching hot boy on boy action, when I realize from all the disturbingly gorgeous mountain shots and goddamn heart-tugging camera work that it's a Serious Movie™. I then decide that if it resembles the fairy sap-fest Happy Together at all (shut the fuck up, I don't care, that movie sucks), I turn it off. It doesn't. I can't believe it. I'm like, in love with an Ang Lee movie. I won't say anymore because I'm not a spoiler bastard like the rest of you shits are. But watch it. Ohmygod, watch it. I don't think any movie has made me cry more than this. I cried so much it hurt. It still hurts. My head's thumping like a fucking timpani and it's all because of Jake and Heath and their bloody sacred love for each other. God, the script is so fucking. Goddamnit! I can't take this. It's like redneck city and they're all slurring and you pay extra attention to figure out what the hell they're drawling to each other and BOOM! They hit you over the head with the sobstick. Shiiit. Ow, fuck, my head still hurts. That aside, yeah, everything's fine, I start work in a few weeks, blah blah. Oh, yeah, I'm really fat, like hilarious fat, like if any of you saw me it wouldn't be a sympathy "You gained weight, noh?", it'd be more like "Hahahaha you fat shit, go suck on a turkey." But whatever, I have a job and air-conditioning. I win. I love you all. I love the world. I love this movie which had the word 'love' mentioned in it like once, and it's still like the best love story in this known universe. Which one of you bitches nudged me? And what the hell is a nudge? 27 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

greetings from malaysia [01 Dec 2005|10:25pm] dear cecile, hannah, tebs, and pat. college is fun, math is hard, i love you lots, and 27 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

eyeball tayo. [16 Aug 2005|12:55pm] i don’t know if i’ve ever told this story on lj before, but i’ll tell it anyway, because i’m aware that each and every one of you on my seething yet sorely undersized friends list is hanging onto my every word. once upon a time, i thought it was cool to wear glasses. you know, reading glasses. i don’t know what came over me, but i used to have this thing about associating ‘partially blind’ with ‘super smart’. being surrounded by bespectacled people who are much smarter than me is so not the way i like it (for example, andrea, matthew, and patricia. you nerdy bastards.). i have since realized that i have gorgeous eyes that shouldn’t be veiled by any such contraptions and decided to give up on my quest to intentionally destroy my eyesight, thereby initiating myself into the world of bespectacular coolness. (seriously, though, i do have very pretty eyes. they’ve got these long lashes and they come in this nice light brown color best described as ‘radiantly sparkly’. look into them invasively the next time you see me, i challenge you to not get turned on fall in love with me.) back to the story. i go to a specialist with a hot pair of D&G frames and have my eyes checked for the right type of lenses. so i’m sitting there looking through this enormous torture device at a picture of a cartoon hot air balloon. this woman slides different thicknesses of glass over my face and keeps asking, “is this better? no? how about this?” we go through that for a few minutes and finally i’m like “oh my god, i can see so well! that’s amazing! this is the best machine ever!” the woman snorts at me and goes, “well, that’s because i took all the lenses out. you have 20/20 vision.” how fucking embarrassing is that. i run out shrieking with all these skanky salesgirls laughing at me and pelting me with half-bitten soda crackers. of course for weeks after i kept telling all my friends who wore glasses this wonderful little story, being totally insensitive about their dependence on eyewear. don’t worry, people, you all look very cute in your eye-crutches. i just know it, god will strike me blind as punishment for my audacity. that, or he’ll grow permanent sties over both of my peepers. i’m sorry, papa jesus. shit, let’s talk about my eyes. oh, my eyes are so pretty. someone get me a reflective pool of water so i can stare at myself and be stuck in stasis forever and have little myths written about me. for centuries people will be all, “shit, all you do is talk about yourself, stop being so nazissistic.” then i’ll truly have something to be remembered by. which reminds me, i have an interview in like three hours with someone i know absolutely nothing about. as has happened so many times in the past, the accolades and praises i have so finely woven will be published as an article and no one will read it and i will be immortalized for like two minutes on flimsy glossy-printed pages. someone get me a kleenex, my beautiful eyes are tearing up. Quote of the day: “…a recent pepsi campaign that included actor jericho rosales, musician rico blanco, and socialite celine… go.” ANO BA. 20 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

oh god, it’s back. ignore it, maybe it’ll go away. [03 Aug 2005|03:24pm] don’t pretend you aren’t excited, i know you unwashed cretins have been dying to hear about my utterly fabulous escapades. yes, i’ve been getting royally soused at every possible interval. yes, i’ve been attending fetes and banquets festooned with all kinds of delicious viands, including but not limited to kobe beef, salmon, and sweaty muscular men. no, contrary to popular belief, i have not been “rubbing elbows with the upper echelon of society.” unless you count film prodigy and sizzling sex icon quark henares, whose babies i have sworn to carry. see, i’ve been too busy hiding my magnetically wonderful self from the rest of society because i’m really enjoying the temporary anonymity that comes with people not knowing that you’ve finally flown into town from vacation. also, i seriously believe that i am simply not well mannered or exciting enough to be much of a socialite, i.e., i suck at upper crust interactive protocol. honestly, events, parties, and other situations where i’m required to interact with stunningly gorgeous and irritatingly popular people can be fun, but i’m really not properly equipped for much of that. for one thing, i pretty much got over the whole club-party-dance hall thing when i was twenty, and i currently prefer sitting in restaurants or coffee shops with very small groups of friends to roast, broil, and slaughter people we hate (a very extensive and very delightful black list of bastards, social degenerates, and ugly people). i also have the alcohol tolerance of a gnat, which means i only allow myself to get completely shit-faced in the presence of people who won’t make fun of me for the loud, boisterous speeches i am prone to making when i have consumed ridiculously tiny amounts of vodka. finally, i have very limited funds, which do not allow for the various accoutrements that make for a true socialite: glittering precious stones, designer clothes, flashy cars, high-end beauty products, small dogs and/or personal assistants, and the optional medicine cabinet full of assorted upper-downer delights. of course, things would have turned out quite differently had dear old daddy been a little more careful with his investments back in the day. but i’ve forgiven him for abandoning me, my mother, and my little sister ten years back, particularly because he’s promised me plots of land for my future combination ostrich farm-bordello-daycare center. part of the reason i visited malaysia was to resolve matters with mein papa, and i learned quite a lot in the month that i was there. ( truly asia. ) saturday peeps: cecile, i hope you’re enjoying the naked man cards as much as i enjoyed them. thank you for getting me drunk on one kamikaze and exposing me to the horror that is hannah cruz’s unsteady hand™. i have you. carlo, i’m sorry i ran away without air kissing you or scratching your balls, but you emerged from a pack of alabanger hippies, and i was afraid that you would be wreathed in awful, flesh-eating hippie germs. but i still think you’re cute, even though you have a gut the size of the parthenon. i love you. 24 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

sadness! [14 Jul 2005|03:47pm] motherhumpster. i feel so unspecial right now. i don't want you smelly peasants to come rushing to shower me with praises, especially if you just came from a gaiman convention ("eeew, you have british on your t-shirt!"). i'm just semi-sad, sleepy, and mildly sedate because i gave up coke light and caffeine. next on the list: cigarettes. yeah, right. sorry, tebs, i couldn't help it, i lit up like the moment i found a sari-sari store. the mind is willing, but the fag is weak. maybe i should form a band. except i can't sing, play guitar, the drums, or the triangle, which leaves me with the flute recorder, except that's not cool because i'll end up looking like one of those corr whores, which i am so not feeling. anyway, i'll deal with my instrument later. i think i'll make it emo because i'm always sad and angry and i wear black and odin says my hair is so emo. and then i'll stain my clothes with my own blood, wear buddy holly glasses, really ugly clothes, and whine about being gay, sterile, and lonely. hahahaha i just cracked me up. i don't know what else to write. i'm all squeezed out. i hate work! give me money! i'm washed up. i'm a has-been at 23. kill me now. 5 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

[12 Jul 2005|04:14pm] god. i'm gone for what, a month, and already there's another political situation. ano ba, people. stop shouting and get out of the streets. i wanna go to my fab events. i don't care about cabinets, noh. certain people seem to think that my presence at certain events will make them cooler, so i graciously decided to grant them their hearts' desires. everyone is clawing for my attention because i rule, i am hot shit, and you are the biggest loser for not knowing it. i bet all of you bastards hauled ass to have your well-thumbed copies of coraline autographed by you-know-who. i don't see what the fuss is all about. fine, he's great, and yes, his stuff has profoundly influenced our generation, blah blah blah. but must every amateur (and unpublished) work of fiction and sketchbook be filled with crap ripped off of the same already dessicated, style-drained husk of a canon? it's you same obsessed hicks who turned me off of gaiman in the first place. i don't feel the need to fight through a sweaty, heaving mass of black-clad, morpheus-loving geeks to get something signed so i can show it off to my depressed death-fascinated poet friends. YOU'RE ALL HIPPIES AND I HATE YOU SOOO MUCH. i'm in such a foul mood. no, fuck off, don't touch me. 21 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

truly asia [14 Jun 2005|10:32pm] hello there. i just transferred from kota kinabalu. arrived in kuala lumpur wednesday at about 10:30 in the morning. which means my flight was very early. which means some very unfortunate malaysia airlines flight attendants had to be rushed to the emergency room. one poor (but very cute) sucker asked me to keep my bag under the seat when it was already tucked very safely between my stairmaster 3000 thighs. against regulations, he said. so i shoved it under the seat. the bastard glanced at my bag momentarily and said: "we're gonna have to put that in overhead. sorry sir. regulations." "but my bag," i said. "it doesn't close completely." (i was carrying a tote) "i'm sorry sir. regulations." i shot him a level 19 Withering Look™ through my vintage imitation dior glasses and muttered something about clamping his nipples to a hummer car battery, which really should have emasculated him by a couple of inches, except he was immune to verbal spell components and had a +6 to saving throws against homosexual psionics. long story short, i ended up with nothing but ultra violent malaysian turbulence to entertain me. being buffeted by toshiba industrial fan number 3 speed winds at 35,000 feet is so not super-cool. anyway. kota kinabalu in sabah, home of mount kinabalu and fondly called the land below the wind (for reasons that currently escape me because i'm a bad little malaysian) is 100% super beautiful. there's lush vegetation everywhere. just going to the mall involves a trek through a tropical greenhouse filled with orangutans, various poisonous creatures, and quite a few cheeky old women who enjoy chewing tobacco and pinching hot bachelor ass. well, that's all exaggeration. but i'm not kidding about the grandmas. one of them not-so-casually dropped a hint about engaging me in carnal calisthenics were she a few hundred years younger. dear god, why do i attract truck drivers, waiters, construction workers, and dirty old men and women? please send me gift checks for luxury electronics and furniture. i promise to stop liking men. love, naz. i'll update about KL and the wedding some other time. i think i can go online more regularly now, since the internet cafes in KL don't universally employ token operation. yes. tokens. P13.00 for 30 minutes. it's cheap, but so not cool when you've written 20 pages of glittering lj fodder and the unit just plain dies. when the LED display hits one minute, it starts playing horrible elevator music and counts the seconds down to one. this should, presumably, give you enough time to dash to the counter to buy more tokens. but really. have you ever needed to search frantically through your bag for loose currency, dodge twice-unbathed network gamers, and scream broken bahasa to a stoic cashier, all while dance of the sugar plum fairies is urgently beeping cardiogram-style in the background? i didn't think so. also, my shampoo exploded in my toiletries bag. it's the pearlescent white sunsilk stuff that comes in a pink bottle (i don't care what they say, i could so be a fantastic brand manager). now all of my shu uemura freebies and mini-bottles of stolen hotel lotion and conditioner are drenched in what looks alluringly like... shampoo. i swear, my toiletries get more action than i do. thank god i turned on comment emailing. how else would i keep track of your incessant boot-licking heartfelt greetings and much appreciated expressions of adoration? fear not, faithful readers. naz will soon return with more textual nourishment for your strained, impoverished souls. 11 loyal subjects ♥ worship.

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